Last year I filled out the 25 Random Things About Me list that was circulating facebook. Tonight, I found another list – 25 Things I Don’t Want You to Know About Me. I liked it. I want to be more authentic in life, so I thought this would be fun, if not a little bit painful, to give 25 glaringly obvious reasons why I am so far from perfect.
1. I hate housework. Hate it. I like the clean house – a lot – but wish that I didn’t have to do it.
2. I complain a lot. Just ask my husband.
3. I am extremely opinionated and judgmental. My soap box is always out at home and I constantly bash Ian over the head with what I think.
4. I know tons about nourishing food and what goes into the crap manufacturers have the nerve to call food. So I got rid of all the bad stuff. And on the days when I don’t feel like making lunch, I load the kids up in the car and go to McDonalds. Or Burger King. Or Sonic. Yes, I’m a hypocrite.
5. Contentment seems completely illusive to me. And it has nothing to do with how little time I’ve spent in my Bible lately. Uh huh, sure.
6. I do not delight in my children all the time. In fact, I delight in them very little because I’m so busy trying to do other things that aren’t even important. I’m really not a very good mom.
7. Sometimes I get frustrated and yell at my children. And it’s mainly because they interrupt me trying to do something that isn’t important at all. Like facebook. Or downloading a podcast about something that I will never, ever do.
8. This list is becoming way too easy to fill out.
9. I threw a party for my husband last week to celebrate his new paramedic certification. He worked two jobs and went to school full-time. We rarely saw each other. And yet, when I got stressed, I thought to myself, “I should be the one getting a party. I was the one staying at home with 3 little kids dealing with morning sickness and managing the entire house and our overstretched budget.”
10. I am VERY selfish.
11. I hate it when people give me excuses. Hate it. But it’s ok for me to give myself excuses, because my excuses are much better .
12. I get very stressed out about how little money we have and am constantly wondering how we will pay the bills. To combat that stress, I spend money. On things I don’t need.
13. I have a problem with pride.
14. I have a problem with self-righteousness.
15. When I post about ways to treat your spouse better I struggle with treating my spouse well afterward.
16. I sometimes resent my husband for being able to leave the house for 48 hours at a time to do something he absolutely loves.
17. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing as a mom and I’m afraid that my kids will end up worse off than I think they would be by sending them to public school.
18. I want to sell everything I have, buy an RV and travel with my family. But I’m too scared to leave central Oregon.
19. I’m too scared to do a lot of things.
20. I graduated valedictorian from my class in high school. All school has been super easy for me. And sometimes I feel like a complete loser because I’m not doing things (that I don’t really want to do) like working in an office or getting a doctorate.
21. I stay at home because I love my children and I want to be the one taking care of them. But also because I hate working for other people.
22. I spend WAY too much time on the computer and I stay up way too late on the computer so that I’m a complete grouch in the morning when I have to get up and feed everyone.
23. I really don’t care what other people think. But I want them to think that I’m perfect.
24. I really want to have my own business and help others start their own businesses but I keep telling myself that I can’t because I’m a mom so I have to spend all of my days cleaning a house I hate and playing games with my kids that bore the crap out of me.
25. After I got the Twilight books I did nothing for four days while I read them all. The kids watched a ton of tv. I rushed to clean the house half an hour before Ian got home.
26. Bonus character flaw! I know that there are ways to be a great mom and really delight in my kids and being a homemaker. And I know that my attitude has a lot to do with it. But I still choose to be a whiny downer.
Wow. That was way easier than finding 25 good things about myself that I think everyone should know. And I’m thinking about deleting it. But I want a more authentic life. I don’t want to be a phony. I don’t want people to think that all of the cute stuff I post on facebook is all that happens. That stuff is airbrushed. Because really, I struggle a lot and I need help a lot. And I know I’m not the only one. Right?
But here’s the good thing. When you can declare the things you struggle with, you can take steps to fix them. So I’m going to look over this list. Maybe with a glass of wine and decide what I can do to change. I’ll let you know what I come up with.PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.