A few weeks ago I went on vacation. All by myself. For three days. If you’re thinking, “Wow, that must have been awesome,” you’re right. It was.
I slept through the night for the first time in years. My friend and I made homemade Nutella (amazing!) and pizza with pesto, caramelized onions, proschuitto and pears (also amazing and so not Paleo friendly). And I drank copious amount of coffee.
The funny thing about that is that I’ve never liked coffee. However, for the past few months it’s been smelling better and better every time I visit the grocery store. So last week I decided that I would like coffee. But I was determined that I wouldn’t go out and buy it.
And then the fateful moment happened.
I was in the grocery store (the kind with a Starbucks inside), staring blankly at the cheese aisle. The kids were going crazy and I kept thinking that in 20 hours I would be on vacation and wishing I could get a nanny to cover me during that time. That’s when I looked up and saw the smiling woman in a Starbucks uniform.
She carried a tray full of little cups topped with whipped cream and caramel. “Excuse me, would you like a sample of our new Salted Caramel Mocha?” Why yes, yes I would.
And that’s when the skies parted and I could see the angels smiling down from heaven. Yes, change is good.
Even more changes
That’s not the only thing changing around here. The last two weeks have been, well, they’ve been insane. There’s really no other way to put it. And the only way I could think of to segue into this was to talk about coffee; I’m a bit nervous about sharing this.
It is glaringly apparent to me that I promised to release an ebook on November 7th. Well…things changed while I was writing it. I realized that the direction I had originally planned on taking is not where it should be going. Frankly, I’m still not totally sure on what it’s going to be, but I’m working on it.
Shalom Mama hasn’t felt quite…right. See, when I write a post, I picture myself sitting down to
tea coffee with someone. I can see her clearly in my mind, what she looks like, her interests, the way she dresses and she even has a name – Aubrey. The problem is that I feel like I’ve been saying mostly the right thing, but that I shouldn’t be talking to Aubrey. I should be talking to Jenny. And these two women are pretty different. And really it might just be that I’m different now. If that doesn’t make sense, just ignore this paragraph.
My husband is a different man. He went to Gary Barkelow’s calling retreat in Portland the day I returned from my vacation and came back a new Ian. He’s softened. There’s joy in his eyes. And I can see that he experienced God there like he never has before.
Our marriage has changed. That retreat prompted some serious conversations – with both confessions and forgiveness. And while I’m exhausted after the emotions we’ve been working through, I have peace because I can feel God saying that it will all be alright and that something very good will come out of this. Ian and I are 100% on the same page for the first time.
We have almost no income now. Ian realized at the retreat that he isn’t a firefighter. In fact, he’s been idolizing it, putting himself and the fire service before anything else for the last decade. We’ve talked and prayed and both feel that he needs to get out of there – now. So he quit. Normally I would be sick with worry (massive understatement), but I know that we’ll be fine.
Numerous people have told us that we’re crazy. We know and we’re pretty used to that by now. But several people have also stepped up to support us and I believe that that is the crucial part here. Without support, we won’t make it – spiritually, financially or marriage-wise. And I’m extremely grateful for the amazing people in our lives.
Looking back, it seems so apparent that we’ve been prepared for this. And I know that these changes aren’t changes that will break us. This is transition – that point in labor where you feel like you just cannot go on, when in reality, you’re moments away from receiving a precious, precious gift. We will emerge from this stronger and united.
We’re getting closer to shalom than ever before.PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.